A Young Seminarian's View

Evangelism

2010-09-05T10:40:00.000-07:00

Evangelism has often been a dirty word in liberal circles. I grew up with a clear distinction between missions and evangelism (with the focus on missions). In reading "The Continuing Conversion of the Church" I've been amazed and excited by the merging of the two in ways I have not seen before. The things I've always learned about missions and being a "missionary" apply to evangelism.

Most startling is the idea that evangelism is a two way street. In translating the gospel into another culture, another life, we continue to be converted, changed, as well. Our understanding changes, our assumptions are challenged. One theme harped on in this book is that no cultural manifestation of faith is normative. In sharing our faith with others, in translating the powerful message of the gospel, we are shaped, changed, and grow.

Evangelism itself is scary. Evangelism can be pushed as an important response to faith, a mandate by Jesus, our loving response to caring for our neighbors. I've never seen it pushed as an important aspect of the development of our own faith. For without evangelism, without bearing witness, without being an interpreter of faith, we miss an important part of testing, stretching, and growing our faith.

Pacifism ramblings

2010-09-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

I'm reading Bonhoeffer right now. I was thinking about his proposal for an ecumenical peace convocation to outlaw war. My father is a pacifist and I've been a pacifist too. The idea of war sickens me. But I thought about all of this in light of our changing society. "War" is almost an anachronistic word today. War used to be what happened when nations attacked each other.

We've moved further and further away from the "Gentleman's war" that once existed. Now we talk about the "war on drugs" and "war on terror" but these kinds of things are ways to legitimize our government fighting against something that is not another government. Our way of reaching beyond our bounds because we are afraid of the reality that what happens in one country dramatically affects another country and rarely has to do with direct government action.

War still exists, obviously, but is it really that I'm against war? Is that a complete statement? No. I oppose war for the same reason I oppose gangs, domestic violence, terrorism, etc. I oppose violence of all kinds: physical, emotional, sexual, individual, group, and national. I am a pacifist because I believe that God desires a world of peace, not violence.

People sometimes bring up Hitler as a response to my pacifism or my stance against the Death Penalty. I do not believe it is right to stand by and do nothing when people are behaving violently! What bothers me is that we tend to take violent action before non-violent, simple and brutal action before creative but complex actions. We do not do preventative work but jump to violence after someone else has caused violence. Our world has had enough. God calls for peace in our homes, in our streets, and between our nations. How do we prevent violence? love our neighbors. How do we respond to violence? By taking a stand, no mater the cost. Bonhoeffer resorted to violence, and I was not in his situation, but at the least he was willing to take a stand against the violence of Hitler. I hope to do better at my pacifism in the future, for it cannot be a passive pacifism, it must be active!

TransFORM - a missional community formation network

2010-05-01T15:30:00.000-07:00

Awesome video about churches doing creative things and how they understand themselves and their process of formation. Lots of other things about those communities here too! Take a Look! Dream BIG!
TransFORM!
TransFORM - a missional community formation network

DC and Ohio - Culture pt. 2: The Extraordinary

2010-04-13T15:10:00.000-07:00

I remember going downtown for dinner with John one day and seeing dozens and dozens of cop cars and probably a hundred officers of various kinds including the Secret Service. That was when my brother-in-law told me that DC is a place where the completely extraordinary is completely ordinary.

This has only been confirmed over time. Yesterday began an international summit at the DC convention center to discuss securing nuclear materials around the world. It's the largest gathering of world leaders led by a US President since the founding of the United Nations! What do we talk about? Traffic. This amazing event, that anyone around the country should feel in aww of and privileged to witness is met, to some degree, with indulgence by those in DC. I don't mean to criticize, it is just that we are so used to major events of national and international significance that we barely even blink. We have to readjust our schedule to get places, sure. We may be busier if we work for the government. But overall, it is a normal part of life in DC.

Whenever we are over-exposed to something, it changes us. We talk about violence on DC desensitizing us. Perhaps we talk about urban isolation or indifference. In coming to DC I discovered how much of Ohio's geography I'd taken for granted. Whatever the specific case, the question becomes: What can we do to keep from numbing out? I don't have any complete answers, what I try is simply to continue to expose myself to radically different things. I go to Africa, I move to DC, I travel, I form friendships with those who are different from me. I hope that in doing those things, I am a better person, I am more open to God's witness in front of me, and I am more aware of places for God to use me.

Post-modern Preaching

2010-04-10T08:46:00.000-07:00

Found an Awesome Quote about Preaching in a Post-Modern world...but really it applies to preaching in general.

"English-speaking tourists abroad are inclined to believe that if only they speak English loudly and distinctly and slowly enough, the natives will know what's being said even though they don't understand a single word of the language. Preachers often make the same mistake. They believe that if only the will speak the ancient verities loudly and distinctly and slowly enough, their congregations will understand them. Unfortunately, the only language people really understand is their own language, and unless preachers are prepared to translate the ancient verities into it, they might as well save their breath." - Frederick Buechner

Soo great! If we have in a post-modern congregation, or want to reach out to post-moderns, then we need to understand that their entire system of language and thinking is not only different from the ancient text, it is also different from the modern text. Post-moderns ask different questions, are swayed by different type of language (look at chapter 7 in Theology for Preaching: Authority truth and knowledge of God in a Postmodern Ethos for explanation), and have different points of reference than Moderns do. I should know, I'm a mostly modern in a mostly post-modern church.

DC and Ohio – Culture pt. 1

2010-03-13T08:17:00.001-08:00

When I came to DC, one of my reasons to leave Ohio had been about having a slightly different cultural experience. I knew that things were different even in different parts of the USA and I wanted that broader perspective to bring into ministry.

A year after arriving in DC I was asked about what I’d found in this regard. I intuitively knew that things were different. But when I tried to pinpoint what it was, all I could think about were the things that I’d experienced about being a stranger in a strange land. What that was like.

Having moved off campus, and had my eye open for more concrete things, I’ve found several ways to describe the differences.

Story #1: A friend at church, no older than me, got a job working for a NON-profit. One of the first things she learned about as a benefit was free access to a service that would do things for her. The would buy presents for her family member’s birthdays, do research on vacation locations, or whatever else she didn’t have time for. She was encouraged to use it to help plan her wedding. It was strange to her, it was strange to me. Her reaction was not to use it, but I could tell she was tempted. Heck, I would be tempted.

Story #2: I started hearing about what are called bedroom communities. Adults who live in these places may travel THREE HOURS every day to get to work. They basically sleep in their homes and have some weekend time there. Questions are being asked about what it means to be church to these bedroom communities. Places where children see their parents only on Saturdays and Sundays. Where there is no real community or bonding in the area. People do shopping and recreation in the city where they work, not the town where they “live”

In D.C. there is a different understanding of work and home life.

Preacher's Self Presentation

2010-02-22T14:09:00.000-08:00

It's interesting how something that is almost tangential or not central to a conversation, a book, or a classroom lecture can take hold of the listener. I can say that many times it is the Holy Spirit.

I don't remember where it was, probably in my preaching book, but I read a reflection that has been nagging at me. I've heard so many times that the pastor should talk about their weaknesses. They should not be afraid to show how they are not perfect. That they will be humanized. I think I've heard that so much that I forget that a congregation also needs to have confidence in the guidance of the pastor. Confidence that while the pastor is human, the pastor is also striving, and somewhat successfully, after the Christian Life.

The passage in the book referred to how as preachers and pastors we should not make ourselves out to be saints, but we also cannot constantly be harping on our weaknesses too. Of course I take this new conviction of balance and am afraid of all the negatives I've been sharing with my congregation. But they are good kind people and I trust that they see the good in me even if I'm not highlighting it. I will strive in the future to find a better balance. I need to make sure I'm also showing my spiritual gifts, strengths, learnings, and passion. I think I've got the other side down pretty well :)

What's my Ethical System?

2010-02-20T20:12:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a lot of internal reflecting so far this semester. That plus a lot of early assignments is why I haven't been blogging about classes. I've been struck by so many things in my life. My ethics class has been challenging me to consider the underlying ethical system that I use to evaluate my decisions. I don't believe that the Bible holds some clear rules to apply uniformly across all situations. So if not uniform, then how do I come to my decisions. I was fine with things, but my professor suggested that if there isn't a coherent system, if I just make up my mind in each situation using the things that seem good to me at the time, then my ethic is wishi washi and up to my whim. Instead we've been reading about some ethical systems in the book "Beyond Bumper Sticker Ethics" which takes a bumper sticker type slogan and expands the ethical system behind it and then critiques it. I've found myself in almost all of these so far. My question for myself then becomes: if all of these guide me to some extent, what is at the base below which I will not go? I know I draw heavily on love as my method and virtues as my goal. So what ethical system do you think you are?
When in Rome do as the romans Do: cultural relativism
Look out for Number One: Ethical Egoism
I couldn't help myself: behaviorism
The Greatest Happiness for the greates number: Utilitarianism
It's your duty: Kantian Ethics
Be Good: Virtue Ethics
All you need is love: Situation Ethics
Doing what comes naturally: natural law ethics
God Said it, I believe it, That settles it: Divine Command Theory

Advent Conspiracy!

2009-11-21T17:21:00.000-08:00

Life is like a bicycle Ride

2009-11-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

Lessons learned from my bike ride:

There are basically three types of terrain when biking. Upward slopes, downward slopes, and straight stretches.
In straight stretches: We may be recovering from an arduous recent upward slope, still reveling in the joy of the momentum of the downward slope, or taking in the surroundings as we peacefully pedal along. These are important, yet complacency is a problem. In complacency we may forget to watch for the upcoming terrain, thus robbing us of precious time to prepare momentum for a coming climb.

In Upward slopes: I've found that if I focus my energy on getting to the top of the hill I do not bike to my potential. The length of the journey there, or the degree of the incline make my energy wane more than the work itself. Plus the difficulty of the biking becomes the focus rather than the journey or the surroundings. I instead set really tiny goals (regularly only a foot to a yard ahead of me). Today I biked from leaf to leaf on one such climb. When I do this I'm able to have more energy longer, bike in the moment, and enjoy the journey.

The Transition: This small step focus, however, would be a problem in other parts of the journey. A good biker will know the precise moment to switch from this small focus back to the big picture. Without returning to the big picture at the right time, we miss opportunities to gain momentum thus making the next hill harder or the ride down the hill less enjoyable. etc.

The downward slope: Sometimes, it's important to just revel in the journey! The wind in your hair the beauty of being carried along!

Enjoy the Journey!

Trinity

2009-11-05T15:28:00.000-08:00

Just a thought by Elizabeth Johnson I wanted to preserve. I've struggled since I started seminary with the idea of the Trinity. How I'd always thought of it was three ways we understand the one God, or three attributes of God, or something like that. What's always been important to me was the oneness of God. When I got to seminary and started learning about the Greek words for the same substance but three persons I was a bit repulsed by it. That threatens for me the oneness of God.

Whenever I try to get someone to argue for the importance of the threeness of God they have not convinced me of anything other than that it's nice to have an image of divine community. Not something I think is necessary or essential. So anyway, this is the quote that is worth dwelling on and not forgetting:

"Three corresponding distinctions may be said to exist within one God. Why [this] insight? It is based on the conviction that God is utterly faithful, and does not self-reveal in any guise other than the one which actually coheres with the essence of divine being...Basic trust in the experience of God's threefold relatedness to us suggests that a certain corresponding threefoldness characterizes God's own true being." (pg. 199-200) In other words, since God isn't tricking us and God only reveals things that are in line with the core of God, and since we experience God in a threefold way, then that must threefoldness must somehow characterize God.

I still don't know that I agree, but at least I have a window of insight into why the distinction was deemed so important!

The Language of Metaphor

2009-10-29T06:14:00.000-07:00

In this book Design Matters, the author starts off by saying that before you learn to do any designing for projection, the very first step is to change how you think. If all we're doing is projecting lyrics and pretty backgrounds then using visual technology is a waste of money, there are many less expensive ways to do that. WOW that was harsh.

Our culture isn't just visual in terms of wanting pretty pictures. This new medium has changed how we think and process. Our culture thinks and communicates in metaphor. Take commercials: for decades the Polar Bear has been used by Coke. Is it just cute? NO, the Polar Bear is a metaphor for COLD which makes us think refreshing. Or take Music: Firecracker (about a woman), The Race is On (about heartbreak), I left something turned on at home (about a woman not a stove). I like country music but this is the case in all genres.

We need to learn to think in metaphor. My husband is really good at this. He can come up with a metaphor for just about anything. Sometimes his are too complicated, but still that's how he thinks.

This book said that a good metaphor can be connected in one simple sentence. Anyway, just really thought this was an interesting idea to dwell on. Do we use metaphor in our our church? Do you use it in yours?

Response: God as Game Designer

2009-10-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

So my husband, who is designing board games for fun, sent me this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wy3ORyK8CA
Since I don't want to be writing my Mid-Term on Moltmann right now I'm going to think about this instead.

The premise of the discussion is that if God designed the world like a game designer designs a game then he didn't do a very good job. If Heaven and Hell are the win loose conditions, then what are the rules? Well no one can agree, even on the 10 commandments. A good game has clear concise rules so that games spend 90% of the time playing the game instead of debating it. Christians, with their non-concise, unclear "rules" spend that 90% of time debating the rules instead. You win the game by maximizing chance, minimizing losses, and playing by the rules.

In some ways this is a reasonable argument. It would be nice to think that there are straight forward rules to live by that would lead to success, and it is clear that those have not been given to us.
I think, however that the analogy, while we long for its simplicity and ability to understand, is not accurate. Life is not a game. 1) Rules become ends in themselves and not fulfilling the Game. 2) Additionally, it seems clear that there is not one set of rules for everyone, instead faithfulness is a process. 3)Heaven and Hell are not win loose conditions to life. So here are my ideas and thoughts on those three things. I could definitely be wrong, and these are always works in progress.

Rules: The goal of the rules, can become the rules themselves. I should know as I'm a legalistic type of player. The rules of a game are not designed to be followed for the sake of following the rules. They are designed to make the game fun and accessible for all. The problem the Apostle Paul points out with the Jewish rules was that they were becoming ends in themselves instead of being instruments that empowered life to be fun and accessible for all. That is what people are trying to say when they say the New Testament supersedes the Old. Though I don't agree with that statement, it is true that the New Testament says that the old legalism is not effective. "Rules" are only good as long as they help.

One set of Rules: Unfortunately, I don't think that one set of rules works for everyone. If there were, then it seems likely that we would know them, perhaps they could be as clear as a board game's rules. Instead, faithfulness is a process, it is ongoing, it does not look the same for everyone. Nor is what was right for you in one situation necessarily right for you in another. Faithfulness requires discernment. This is the beauty of God's Holy Spirit. The "rules of life" are not written out, they are implanted, so to speak, inside of each of us. The Bible, our Community, our Experience, and Tradition helps us be attuned to, and understand, that voice of the Holy Spirit. I'm not saying anything goes. There are probably some things that are absolutely wrong (like rape) but most things are not black and white. That is why instead of rules, God gave us stories and a guide.

Heaven and Hell are not win loose conditions - Heaven has to be more than something at the end of life, or after the resurrection of the dead. Heaven is in the moments where the divine is manifest on earth. In Charity, in Love, in Compassion, in Beauty, in Creativity, in Solidarity, in Community. It is a blessing to experience Heaven on Earth, and yes Heaven is probably also an end game scenario where "there is a new heaven and a new earth" as Revelation says, but it is not a reward for playing by the rules. In fact, most Christians believe in the impossibility of playing by the rules.
Some Christians do treat Heaven and Hell as these win loose end game scenario. It speaks to an inner longing to escape from the trials of this world. But Heaven and Hell are not about individuals winning and loosing. Heaven is about a collective salvation. Redeeming a broken and suffering world.

Summary: So really what I'm saying is that Faithfulness is not about the End result! Being a "Good Christian" is not just about getting to heaven and avoiding hell, it is about a life lived now. There are lots of things that come from this, a life lived without fear, a life of abundance, a life of blessing to the world, a life of belonging and not loneliness. There are also risks and pain. It is not easy to glimpse redemption and live in a broken world. Life is complicated. God is bigger than all of us, and when we open ourselves up to the Holy Spirit God can guide us in a way unique to us and our gifts and our situation in order to lead us in a life of Faithfulness now. Life's game is not about the end of our life, but the end of all history in a new creation.

Alright, lots more I could say but this is a way long post so I'll sign off now.

What is Salvation?

2009-09-27T14:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this is now my new favorite book: A New Kind of Christian
Way to make me think!

Salvation has never made sense to me. (Maybe that's part of why I'm having such a difficult time constructing my theology of Baptism.) I've always been uncomfortable with the phrazes "born again" and "saved", and I've wanted to a laugh at the: "you can know where you're going when you die" as if we can control God or grasp the unimaginable. Most of what we think we "know" about heaven, eternal life, death, and salvation is likely just as much a parable or painting as I've come to believe the creation story is. Very helpful and valuable, but not "factually descriptive." (should I stop? I feel that this is getting into controversial territory for someone seeking ordination...oh well)

So I was shocked to read "Let's say that salvation means becoming part of the solution rather than part of the problem." Cool! again this is a painting, an image, and not a factual description that is all inclusive of what salvation means, but for me, this seems to define how I've been living into salvation my whole life! It's never been about a conversion story for me (you can read about this in an earlier post). This journey of faith is about being part of God's salvific role in the whole world!

My pastor's sermon today is on salvation (and he's read this book too), too bad I'm home sick! Sometimes they are posted on line so you can watch and wait like me :) Or just check out our new website: http://www.newleafchurch.org/web/

I am

2009-09-26T17:52:00.000-07:00

In spanish there are two terms for I am. So you might say I am tired. That doesn't mean that who you are is a tired person, it means that right now you are tired. It seems to me to be a transient state.
The other word in Spanish for I am is a characteristic. I am hospitable. It speaks to a core characteristic. (I can't remember much Spanish so this blog post is coming out of my memory and the words of my friend John Evans.)

This distinction came to mind when I read a bit of Jurgen Moltmann in The Way of Jesus Christ. He said 1 John (4:16) "defines God by saying: 'God is love.' God does not love just as he might also be angry. He is love. His being and existence is love. In Christ he constitutes himself as love. This happened on the cross." (pg. 175) So "God is" would be the same verb as "I am." When talking about how closely God is tied to love it would be one not of transience, but of identity.

I found the analogy to Spanish helpful. God gets angry in the Bible, but God is not Anger. The overriding quality of God is love. I do believe that "God is love" goes even deeper than that Spanish word, but the distinction is still deeply important if we are to take seriously the anger of God (and other qualities difficult to swallow like judgment, wrath, distance etc.) while still clinging tightly to the love of God that is so central.

P.S. my husband says the words in Spanish are Soy and Estar, but we aren't certain which is which. Anyone know?

An Idea: What is Truth?

2009-09-19T07:26:00.000-07:00

In class we were asked this question: What is Truth?

In my mind TRUTH is in a sense God. It is the nature of God, the desires of God, the wisdom of God. in our world we understand truth, and when we're lucky part of that truth is also TRUTH, though no one but God and Jesus can know for certain what parts of truth are TRUTH. I imagine a ven diagram where there is a circle of TRUTH. Our perceptions of truth are all other circles that in some ways overlap TRUTH and in other ways do not. Since TRUTH is hidden, by exploring other persons' truth we might b e able to discern (thru the help of the Holy Spirit) that in them which is TRUTH, and more of that in our truth that is not TRUTH.

TRUTH is hidden, yet the Holy Spirit does guide us toward it. It requires much humility, however, because there is a VERY good chance that we have misunderstood the Holy Spirit, that we have confused the Holy Spirit with ourselves or our culture. Therefore it is important not to downplay or discount or discard another's understanding of truth, for theirs may have something to offer, and yours may be just as wrong in other ways as theirs.

But I have to say that I don't think that the quest for truth is only about bringing our truth in line with TRUTH. God is so huge that perhaps that is impossible. Hypothetically if everything that I believe is TRUTH, I still would not have come to understand TRUTH. God's TRUTH is too great for any one human being. Therefore, perhaps God utilizes different people's truth to be known and manifest in this world. Someone else may have a very different understanding of truth. That doesn't even mean that one of us is right and the other one wrong. Perhaps we are both exactly where God has guided us to be for a purpose. As I said in another post, perhaps this is the reason why we have different denominations.

Paradigm shifts

2009-09-13T19:39:00.000-07:00

In his book A New Kind of Christian, Brian McLaren talks about paradigm change in this transition that we’re in. I don’t want to take the time to go into all about transition time vs. change, nor defend the idea of our time as one of transition and paradigm change (first because I’m not sure I know enough to do so, and second because of space). What struck me so much was this model of paradigm change. It starts open and comfortable, as that paradigm begins to feel claustrophobic we move into a kind of funnel. At the beginning of that funnel we primarily look backward at the original paradigm and how much it fails you. Further into the funnel we begin to look forward to what a new paradigm might be. And finally, hopefully we find ourselves in a new paradigm which will work better for us and for society for a time. This kinda describes the transition from modern to postmodern. We don’t all go thru this, we don’t go thru it at the same time, etc.

The amazing thing for me is in that funnel. I know plenty of United Methodists who are so frustrated with the church. They spend their time criticizing, complaining, and judging and quite frankly have irritated the hell out of me. How can we expect to be a force for good and change in the world for Christ if we are busy bickering with ourselves. It doesn’t make our faith very appealing. But this model that Brian McLaren describes allows me to have more sympathy for people in this stage. I always tried to remind myself that the church is a hard place and that people need an outlet, but it is more than that. People are dealing with wholesale change that so far has no complete recognizable paradigm. They see all the negatives of their current world and work, but have not seen the possibility and hope of a new paradigm. They are looking back and haven’t gotten that monkey off of their back, so to speak in order to look at something different. And in some ways, perhaps they are scared not just of their own change, but for the church itself. For if more of the church doesn’t make this shift, perhaps it will die.

Just for the record, I don’t believe it will die. I am filled with hope (at least at the moment) for the future. There are others like me, and like you, and like Brian McLaren out there who are seeing God in whole new ways. The Methodist church may lose some power and size, but it will learn to see and seek God in incredible new ways! In fact, it already is.

The Beauty of Churches

2009-09-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

"That we should ever meet the redeeming power of God in the humble stuff of congregations is witness to the extraordinary nature of both...Yet this is what we claim. We make this claim on the basis of reason and sacred text, but mostly because, time and again, so many have been bathed in redemption through God's reach in and through congregations." (Dunlap, 6)

I just wanted to share this because I was so moved by it. Too often church people get together to bash and complain about the church. How often do we sit and marvel at the powerful claims we make about those communities, not to mention the transformative work they continue to do.

Why I Became a Christian

2009-09-08T05:17:00.000-07:00

For me, Christianity was a way of life that I was born into. Faith and life were integrated seemingly seamlessly in my family. Love and trust were held up paramount. Church was a safe place to be myself. I don’t have a great memory, but those I have of church were of play. I would play around with my friend while my parents lingered after church. To greet my babysitter I would run and leap into his arms. Church was also a place that connected me to an amazing world. When I was only about 4 years old my parents were co-chairs of the missions committee at my church and so our family was a heavily involved part of bringing a man from the DR Congo to get his pilot’s license at school in Toledo. So my memory of Christianity at a young age was one of safety, love, and a global vision of connection.

As I grew older, Christianity just made sense. Bad decisions in life were I guess similar to sin, though we rarely used that language. The thing that just made sense to me was that sin led to hurt. I guess I had less desire than most to explore the edge, so to speak, because that way of life tended to hurt not only anyone intended, but everyone around you, and eventually the person making those decisions as well. I say this not to sound superior, but to explain that for me, Christianity and the Christian way of life has been for me one of joy, love, hope, and the possibility for more people to lead good lives.

I’ve never particularly been shielded from the harsh side of Christian living. The church is filled with sinners and as such has deeply hurt my family, myself, and my husband in particular. Yet despite our faults, in people I see so much hope and potential that I just know that with God at the center we can do extraordinary things in this world.

Every day our society bombards us with images of fear, inferiority, scarcity, and individuality. I’m a Christian because I know for a fact that the God of love who created everything made it good and sufficient. We live in a land of abundance not scarcity. We can flourish as community not needing an “every man for himself” mentality. All are uniquely special, there is enough love and appreciation to go around to everyone, therefore we need not compete. And I can go on and on. Christ came to tell us that the prevalent motivations in our world are based on a reality that has been conquered by an amazing God.

Though I haven’t run far from my faith, and as nice as it would be to say that I’ve been a Christian my whole life, Christianity is something that is chosen most every day, in almost every decision, even many that are unconscious. Slowly as I grew up I grew closer to God. There are times in High School that I know I paid more attention to that journey than others. Over time I’ve learned more about how many decisions relate to being a Christian. I’ve struggled with inadequacy and doubt, anger that God would allow so much pain in the world and the feeling of impotence to do anything about it as my heart breaks. Journey is a good word, but a word I like better is conversation. Talking with God seems to come fairly naturally to me. God and I talk about lots of things, and in the process I’ve learned that it’s ok to hurt, doubt, question, and fear as long as I remember to turn those things over to God in the end.

I don’t believe it is an easy way of life, though I know it has greatly blessed me. I can’t imagine living any other way. The only one I know for certain cares more deeply about the people of this world than me is God, and I take comfort in that because somehow God is already taking care of all of it and more.

Complex God means complex "answers"

2009-09-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

On one level we recognize and proclaim a God who is beyond all understanding, not able to be reduced to one idea or concept. yet at the same time we say "no I don't think this passage means that, it means this" or "God wants us to focus on this, not that" or "that's not as important as this." In reality that kind of thinking is reductionist and comes out of scarcity thinking. It's the idea that if someone buys into your passion then they can't buy into mine. If the church, for example, focuses on Evangelism it will loose time energy and focus on social justice. If my denomination has it right then yours or nondenominational churches must be wrong. This kind of thinking ignores the God who is both justice and grace, creator and Redeemer, transcendent and yet intimate. When we say no to someone or some idea, we may be saying no to the greatness and complexity of God. One idea I like is that perhaps God uses the diversity of denominations not so that they'll fight each other over who has more of a handle on the Truth, but so that each can do something slightly different, meet slightly different needs, and express slightly different parts of an amazing complex God!

Scripture and other Texts

2009-09-03T08:52:00.000-07:00

My first blog of the semester! Yay for inspiration and insight :)

I'm finally taking the New Testament (NT) class on the Gospels (which I'm way ready for) and in reading again about the process of canonization (how the books that are in the NT got to be in the NT and not others) I was struck by something. The book The Writings of the New Testament cited an old fragment called the Muratorian Fragment which listed as authoritative most of the books we now call the NT. Yet it also included a few books that could be read and used by the faithful, but not read during worship (I interpret that to mean not read as scripture alongside the Torah). This is so cool to me because growing up my parents talked about this irritation at the notion that "God stopped speaking to us 2000 years ago." In other words, other sources can be just as inspired by God, and nurturing, inspiring, and enlightening to Christians. In the fragment there were also books that were not to be read.

This fragment from around 200 or 400 CE indicates that this is true to some extent. There is a difference between scripture and other resources. But those other resources are still valuable. Other resources can be used to be inspired and know God better, and they should always be read in light of the Scripture. That way we can determine which resources, or which parts of resources are good and what should not be used. This inspired me to more comfort with some of the other early church writings all the way up to contemporary literature as useful for small groups, devotions, and more. Even Christian non-fiction which I enjoy :)

I've been doing this, but it was fun to find something to tie that practice to from the early church.

Responsibility vs. Blame

2009-05-05T11:15:00.000-07:00

Powers and Principalities are personified in some literature, My professor said that by personifying it, we make it distant. In some ways it divorces us from the responsibility for the evil that exists. For example when we say "the economy" is the problem we divorce responsibility from ourselves and our actions. When we say "Satan made me do it" we're shifting responsibility off of ourselves. It can become an excuse that separates us from the need to change our actions.

I'm not sure that this is always the case, sometimes it empowers us to act when we can stop feeling guilty for our actions and instead consider ourselves fighting a battle with sin. On the other hand I don't tend to personify sin so who knows. It was an interesting idea though.

Joy in the Vision

2009-05-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

So unrelated to actually school inspired insights this one is still church related.

I've been thinking a lot recently about what actually makes me happy. I'm good at a fair number of things including school, but often those things which I still enjoy, somehow bring me more stress and anxiety than joy. I love the church, but working in them is very hard trench work sometimes. So what in the midst of all this pressure that I put on myself to succeed, brings me the joy and energy to keep working at the things that are hard but important?

Today I'm thinking that what brings me joy is visioning. Perhaps that is why Prophesy came up on my first gifts inventory. I love to vision and dream about where we're going and where we could be going. I also love to just contemplate the what ifs of faith. I don't make doctrine out of these, I just have some pretty cool ideas that bring me joy and energy.

Perhaps getting away from this tendency to dream has been part of my stress. Perhaps I need to think less about how to keep all this stuff in my head, and dream more about what if a ministry incorporated this idea? What if I learned through dreaming. As a child I had a rich internal imaginative life, perhaps this is a way to utilize that as a gift.

Last thought, John asked me how I could make this joy more than something for myself. Perhaps my joy could be to reinvigorate, inspire, give permission, equip, help etc. others to dream too. Perhaps I can help others not feel so alone when they dream if I'm walking beside them. I'm gonna start with my pastor :) ...Well, maybe I'm already starting with myself.

Me? Relate to You?

2009-04-20T18:38:00.000-07:00

An interesting insight came to me today as three thoughts converged. I'll tell it backwards from the point of convergence. I was reading an article tonight written by a grandfather in my conference annual financial report. The article was entitled "A Story to Tell about Next Generation Leadership Development." I haven't actually read it all, but what I thought was about the need for me to be treated as an equal by people of his generation and my parent's generation. I remember at one church specifically feeling like they saw me as "their children's age" and I never felt like I could be a friend let alone an equal at the church. As I read the article I wished that someone would write about the challenges and yet necessity of this kind of relationship. And that it would need to come from someone older who kinda got it!

But then I remembered my thought from earlier today as I read Across the Generations: Incorporating All Ages in Ministry: The Why and How. When I read about the Millennial Generation the "Representative members" included Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. I balked at this! It was so weird to me to be classified with these children I remember watching on Full House, and having been past the age that saw them as icons. How would I relate to these children? How would I be able to treat them as equals? Perhaps I could write an article about this challenge and my ability to empathize with the difficulties of older generations to respect me as an equal. Perhaps we could find some common ground in our short comings and move forward together?

Make a Difference with Small Steps

2009-04-11T09:53:00.001-07:00

Deep down, I've avoided participating in things like environmentalism, simple living, fair trade, intentional buying practices, etc. because I've felt that it was too overwhelming. If I cared about it a little then I'd have to do lots of things and change everything about my consumption practices and that would take way too much energy. I've pushed myself to do a few things, but for the most part I block out the reasoning that these things are important.

Well I read a book called Consuming Religion by Vincent Miller. In it he talks very concretely about tactics we can do to counter the habits that Consumer Culture forms in us and that we inadvertently take into Religion (which tends to weaken religion). He said that simply unmasking these habits is a good and helpful thing. He goes on to say that simply taking one item you consume and trying to find out its origins helps combat the abstraction from the roots of something and its production that consumerism promotes.

This was hopeful for me! I don't have to do everything to make a difference for at least me. I don't have to change the environment and society for my actions to matter.

So why does this matter to religion? Well we have a tendency to abstract our religious symbols, actions, and more from the complex relationships that they have. So our symbols only matter in how they relate to me, and we miss out on the fullness of their meaning which ties our faith together. By treating objects we consume at more than just the surface consumption level, we remind ourselves that all things have frequently unexplored depth that is important.

Holy Saturday

2009-04-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

Today is Holy Saturday. Yesterday I had the privilege of leading the discussion at my new church for our informal Good Friday Service. We really focused on Holy Saturday, after Jesus died, what was left. In a moment that was very special to me someone talked about death and how it seems hopeless when someone you love dies and you simply won't get a second chance until perhaps heaven, if they went there, if we'll recognize them there, and even that won't be for many years. In response I said that what we have as a church is a hope for something better, even if we can't understand what that better thing is. We point to a hope in God, in the Heavenly Banquet, in the rule of God on earth, in something even if we can't understand how it will make things better.

When I shared this with a friend he said it's kinda like a movie preview, the ones where you can't quite tell what the movie is about but you know you can't wait to see it.

When I'm in my darkest place, there is something that can't let go of that hope. I'm lucky, one of my spiritual gifts is faith. It's a good thing, and if anyone reads this and wants some of my faith just let me know and we can chat.

Turning the Titanic

2009-03-31T06:07:00.000-07:00

There are many congregations out there that have good intentions, and yet are dying. Many times pastors and DSs have tried to turn that congregation around without success. Sometimes it is obvious what the needs are for the congregation, sometimes it is not. Too often trying to turn the congregation in a healthy direction feels like trying to turn the Titanic.

I was inspired yesterday by reading about a church in South Africa in The Teaching Ministry of Congregations. This church had a transformation as it owned the need to act out its faith against Apartheid. It wasn't a leading church against Apartheid, but it changed its entire trajectory with the help of a pastor who was only there for 18 months!

Anyone who's interested can check it out, I don't want to summarize his method here, but I want to highlight the inspiring point that given proper leadership, an understanding of a congregation's underlying theology that is assumed, and a solid direction to turn the congregation toward; it is possible to "turn the Titanic." It's amazing, but the underlying ethos of that congregation did change. What hope for those struggling to do a similar task.

Faith Metaphore

2009-03-28T19:05:00.000-07:00

well, I haven't posted in a while mostly because I've been too busy with papers and exams to process much of the insights I gain in my studies. Oh well, some will stick and others will pass by.

Tonight I celebrated Earth Hour which is an hour to stop using electricity to raise awareness of environmental concerns. We had a really nice worship service on campus during which I had an image, a metaphore, that was meaningful to me. We each took a candle and went somewhere in the chapel for 10 min. We could sit in silence or pray or whatever we wanted.

For a long while I sat bowed over the candle with my eyes closed. I could see the imprint of the light on my eyelids and the brightness of it covered me. At some point I sat up and raised my head upward with my eyes still closed. The darkness settled over me quickly. I was struck in that moment by what a metaphor that was for my life. There have been times when I have been so engulfed by the presence of God that I could see it clearly just as when I was facing the light. But many other times, probably more times in my life, I've felt that the darkness is all that I could see. It seemed so real. Yet the amazing thing in that moment as I sat with the candle is that I knew that the candle was still there and still blazing. I could feel the candle in my hand even though I couldn't see or feel it's fire. That is what my faith seeks to do. When the darkness is closing in I grasp hold of that which I cannot see. I know that it is real even when I'm scared, even when I doubt, even when I don't understand.

I'm sure it's not a new metaphore, but I want to remember it.

spheres of influence

2009-03-09T14:16:00.000-07:00

Just something I wrote for a class. I wanted to preserve it here.

There are various parts of life that have the potential to be centers of authority and organizing principles for living. These various parts each have their own sets of rules. In former times, these various parts of life had to contend with one another. Religion had to contend with politics which had to contend with family and extended family. School had to contend with charity and morality and hobbies. These various spheres had to be aware of and work with or against others. One example is the way that many stores (business) interacted with religion by closing on Sundays.

Today, these various things seem to be almost isolated. Each sphere acts with autonomy as if the others didn’t exist. I think this is what Scharen means by Compartmentalization in Faith as a Way of Life. Today, many sports and stores no longer care if they are demanding Sunday morning time because they function in isolation from religion. There is thus, also as spreading effect. The interaction between spheres that used to exist in effect created some boundaries of influence. It was expected that schools and businesses wouldn’t function on Sunday mornings because this was the boundary where school met religion.

This reminds me some of spheres of influence. Whereas market principles used to only exert influence over the spheres of market exchange, those principles, devoid of the boundaries created by the interplay between spheres, has been claiming ground in other areas such as the way friendships function or how hospitals are run.

The conflict between the spheres, however, does not go away. The difference is, that instead of the spheres contending with one another and creating boundaries and spheres of influence, it is now up to each individual to contend with these spheres in each aspect of life. Now on Sunday mornings each family must decide if they will live into the sphere of children’s sports demands, the sphere of work demands, the sphere of religion and many many more. This ongoing struggle between spheres that are compartmentalized and not interacting is what I understand as fragmentation. Each aspect of our life is pulling us in various directions. Our lives are fragmented because we must choose between activities, priorities, and passions that constantly conflict. It is not only time constraints that cause this fragmentation. These various spheres demand from us different characteristics. We therefore are pulled to become different people with different priorities in different places. When people talk about wearing different hats I believe this is what they mean.

Lord of the Rings meets Apostle Paul

2009-03-01T17:57:00.003-08:00

I've been so busy and stressed recently that I've been unable to absorb, let alone sit down and blog, new insights. But as I finally picked up reading, and laid aside my stress, I was confronted with a new book, and a new cool image!

In The Teaching Ministry of Congregations Rochard Osmer describes Paul's thoughts as parallel, yet linked, story lines. He uses the story The Lord of the Rings to describe this. The major battle is going on with Gandolf and humans and elves, and yet it is the other seemingly humble and simple storyline of Frodo and the ring that ultimately leads to the downfall of the Saurumon. Similarly, for Paul the life, death, resurection, and second coming of Jesus is what ultimately will save the day, and yet all Christians are part of this other storyline that is also important.

What made me go AHA! was the memory of a certain scene in the Lord of the Rings, well actually two. The first was when Gandolf and Aragorn are talking in the third movie "The Return of the King." They have no word from Frodo, but their hearts tell them that Frodo is still alive.
The other scene is the decision to draw out the armies of Mordor. To give Frodo the advantage he needs, they risk everything to do the unthinkable.

Like Gandolf with Frodo, we cannot now see clearly the working of Jesus. We sometimes doubt how He can still be working in this broken world 2000 years after his life. But it is through hope and faith that we continue. But our faith means risks. The Fellowship could have waited, but their faith in Frodo's journey caused them to do the unthinkable. Like Noah who spent 40 years doing the unthinkable, building an ark, sometimes our faith requires us to do the unthinkable. We must act out our faith to be part of the storyline that brings victory.

Expect more!

2009-02-16T16:23:00.000-08:00

So I just had to share how much I love the Practicing Congregation!

I remember in Middle School that my parents talked about the kids in Confirmation class. The church was struggling over the fact that many of the kids came just for Confirmation, went to church at one of the Non-Denominational churches, and then never came back to our church after they finished Confirmation. Part of the discussion was the baffling fact (to most) that these large and growing NonDenom churches had such high expectations/requirements of the people that attended! I also remember working at a church in college and wondering why we make people take a pledge when they join, but do nothing to really hold them to that standard after they are in the church.

The dominant idea for years was put forth in 1972 by Dean Kelly in his book: Why Conservative Churches Are Growing. The conclusion was that Religiously demanding (aka strict) churches grow. Diana Butler Bass counters: "Kelley equated 'conservative' with 'demanding,' or religion that had to be engaged with rigor and purpose...No one expected that old mainline churches would - or could- ever reject the low-demand, establishment ethos of the early twentieth century." The point is that churches that focuses on an intentional faith are growing!

I love it! The studies seem to indicate what I've been feeling all along. Why don't we expect more, instead of less, from our congregation? from our new members? We seem to cheapen God's grace when we fit it neatly into our existing lives. "While still being politely mainline about it, they nevertheless 'demanded' certain things from their members - not in terms of doctrinal assent, but in terms of stewardship, spiritual growth, ministry, mission, and practice." !!!!! This is exactly what we need to be calling people to! This is exactly what we are called to!

1 Corinthians Part 1

2009-02-13T19:09:00.000-08:00

So two great insights from my reading this evening. No relation other than they are both from the Epistle of 1 Corinthians.

The first insight is in 1 Corinthians 10:13b. The Bible says "God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide for you a way out so that you may endure it." -- Previous to this the first part of this quote has been used in my life. As in: God won't test you beyond your strength. But that interpretation begs the question of honest, good, everyday Christians who are not able to endure sufferings but actually do break under them. They are crushed by death, unfairness, change, etc. These seem to contradict each other.

The point isn't that our trials can't crush us if we're good Christians. The point is that God will "provide for you a way out so that you may endure it." Somehow in our trying times there is a way to shift so that we can endure.

It isn't necessarily obvious or natural. It takes the eyes to see, perhaps the training to perceive, perhaps the assistance from good friends. If we are not looking, we may cling militantly to our trials hoping to endure. It is not always just our steadfastness, but also our willingness to see the way out, or I might say forward or toward comfort, that allows us to endure trials in Christ.

The second insight is more academic and it's late, so good night and God bless :)

Growing Through Brokenness

2009-02-05T14:17:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how well this fits in as lessons I'm learning, but probably is an area where God is going to be working on me.

I'm in two classes this semester that are challenging me. One is Leading Formation. This past week I stopped reading because I was upset. It brought up all these old hurts and tied them nicely to the present. Instead of helping me heal the past, and distance it from the present, it made me feel like the person I was back then. I felt very vulnerable in class today and I'm not sure where this vulnerability will lead. I want to leave myself open to God challenging me, but dang it hurts.
Then there's my Gospels in a Consumer Culture class. I'm really looking forward to it, but I also know that it's going to make me intentionally examine my relationship to a consumer culture. I may have to change because of it. I've had several experiences in the past that have almost led to change in this regard, I partly hope and partly fear that conviction that I feel may be coming from this class.

So overall, the last couple of days have left me feeling like this semester may be more challenging than I had planned. Not that you plan the kind of growth that breaks you open at your weak points and forces you to rearrange the pieces as you heal. I guess my hope is that I can trust in God to bring me through the process completely. I don't want to get stuck in the middle without a good healing process.

Diversity

2009-01-31T09:19:00.000-08:00

I'm reading the book Leading Diverse Communities: A How-To Guide for Moving from Healing into Action. It, along with conversations and a Scholarship essay, have made me think more recently about race and racial diversity. I think of myself as a respecter of diversity, and a learner from other cultures. This seems odd considering I grew up in mostly white communities. I wonder how it's possible to be an open minded, inclusive, globally minded, and racially accepting person? What experiences foster such a personality?

For myself, I've thought about my parents. They are globally minded, and inclusive, and open minded, and racially accepting. In fact, it seems almost like a fluke or accident to them that I grew up in mostly middle-class, suburban settings. It's even odd to my sister who, though only four years older than me, feels that her formative years were more urban and diverse than mine. But somehow my parents instilled in me a sense of equality.

Three things may have been central:
My parents taught me that all people are equal. They strive to treat everyone, from every walk of life, and of every color or nationality as unique individuals of equal value. My friends from poor homes were just as valuable as my friends from middle class homes. My friends from Japan or who were black were all special and equally valuable friends.

My parents taught me that people of all backgrounds have something to offer. When we ignore some part of the diversity of our world, we are less because of it. When we miss out on some part of the diversity, we miss out on understanding and experiencing part of God manifest in humanity.

My parents also taught me important things about poverty. Race and economics are closely tied in our society. Many issues of racism are compounded by issues of classism. That's why this matters. They taught me that while hard work should, and often does, pay off, sometimes bad things happen to good people. They also taught me that not everyone begins live with the same set of opportunities and limitations. In general, I do not assume that people who are poor, are poor because of laziness or bad choices. Though this is sometimes the case, there are other issues that interfere and are often the case.

These values have really shaped my willingness and desire to cross racial and other barriers of diversity. The book mentioned above shares 7 principles for building environments to welcome diversity. Two stood out to me and my classmate.

Principle 3: Treating everyone the same may be unintentionally oppressive
Inclusion does not mean sameness. Treating Equally does not mean Treating the Same

Principle 5: Recognize and work with the diversity already present in what appear to be homogeneous groups.
By fostering an appreciation for ALL forms of diversity (family makeup, spiritual background, exposure to issues of race, geographic background, race, gender, culture, and more) we can better recognize and welcome other forms of diversity that may be more uncomfortable for us now.

My friend shared an image that stood out to me. He went to Saddleback church and encountered a choir. That choir had Asian faces, Hispanic faces, White faces, and Black faces. He said that they all had a common purpose, and they sang perfectly. He said they all smiled the same.

In our diversity we can find common ground. We can appreciate and celebrate our differences and our similarities, both as individuals, and in categories that shape us. Afterall, we were all created in God's image.

Out of Chaos

2009-01-28T17:37:00.001-08:00

After TWO mostly snow days, missing half my classes, and procrastinating on reading, I haven't really learned much in the last couple of days. So, as promised in my introduction, I found where I had posted my first major learning in Seminary. This was written to friends on August 28th, 2008:

I had my first real exciting learning/ ah ha this morning! We were studying the first creation story, which I've studied many times. My professor (dean Bruce Birch) put it in the context of the Exile where it was being codified and written down for the first time. That stuff was very interesting, but what made that story go from nice to inspirational was when we talked about why this story starts from creation out of chaos! He said that you can only create from nothing once, but you can create out of chaos over and over again! It is relevant for every generation!, and it was especially relevant to the people in exile since their sense of order has been upended and their trust in the sovereignty of God is in question! This story is alive and at work and relevant not as a history but as a reassurance of God's order in the midst of life's chaos! So cool and fun.

So the learning is:
The first creation story begins with chaos to reassure and remind us all that no matter the chaos of our lives, God is always working to bring order out of chaos.

Enjoy the reassurance that with God comes order...I so needed this reminder today.

The Practicing Congregation

2009-01-26T12:18:00.000-08:00

My first class of this semester at Wesley Theological Seminary was Leading Formation. The class has an exciting and very broad description: "An exploration of how an emphasis on Christian faith practices - including justice, forgiveness, prayer and hospitality - can swerve as organizing principle for congregational life and administration."

In our first reading from The Practicing Congregation: Imagining and New Old Church by Diana Butler Bass I learned a new way of understanding church. This author approaches mainline denominations in a positive way. I've only read the intro and first chapter, but the key concept that I learned was this:

Though the church had been in decline, a new form of church has begun and is rising out of the ashes of mainline decline. This new type of church the author calls Intentional Congregations. These congregations include the Practicing and Emerging church movements. The key difference between these churches and other late 20th century churches is a focus on practice as apposed to program.

I remember my husband, other young adults, and I trying at various times to describe to older adults what we believe young people are searching for from churches. We talked about seeking authenticity, genuine welcome and acceptance into the family, and a place for open and deep dialogue. The response was frequently confusion, a yearning to understand how to communicate those things, or defensiveness. As I read from The Practicing Congregation I felt that my eyes were opened. Earlier generations of churches had focused on programs. They sought to connect new people with a social network and programs that met their needs. These models have worked, and still work in many cases.

However, it is a new language to try to understand Intentional Congregations. It is not primarily about a new style, or a new program. Perhaps it is primarily about a deep commitment to conversation and support. Perhaps it is primarily about seeing church as a place that challenges and changes, instead of a place that meets needs and is an exciting experience.

I'm excited to learn more because I believe there are many people, and many generations including my own who seek a more creative, post modern, theologically expansive, and yes even a bit messy church experience. One that feels more authentic. One that stretches us, and yet fills a deep need in our soul. We are starting to awaken to the idea that the American Culture is not synonymous with Christianity. We recognize that our culture cannot meet the need for Christ within us.

Introduction

2009-01-26T06:48:00.000-08:00

Several People have been interested in what I'm learning and experiencing in Seminary. Additionally, I've realized that I learn so much that I want a way to capture the most important insights I'm gaining in this wonderful experience. Thus materialized this blog, while procrastinating from equally important work this morning :)

If no one else reads this it will still be a valuable tool for my own self processing. I'll start my next blog with some reflections from this past week (the first of a new semester) and then some about what I learned last semester. I hope this will be a place where you can learn, as well as a place where complex ideas can be better understood and examined for you and for me. I welcome your comments, critiques, and questions (just don't critique my spelling ;) )!

Blessings as you explore theology, seminary, religion, life, and more!